Glass Half-Full, Life Even Fuller

I've already written about how I haven't lost any weight in some time. That hasn't changed from then until now.

But what has changed is the epiphany I had literal moments before I decided to write this post. Give or take about six or seven pounds, I've never kept the weight off for this long before.

In the Before Times, I'd attempt a weight-loss journey for the umpteenth time, lose anywhere from five to 50 pounds, and then decide I was done. Or, I'd be too far in Food Jail to continue. That trapped feeling would just become too much to handle, and then, I'd convince myself that it was "just a few pounds" coming back. Before I knew it, I'd be right back at square one.

Further proof that this time is different? I've actually stayed consistent. Not perfect by any means, but consistent enough that my weight has only fluctuated about seven pounds above my lowest weight on this journey, and then I lose four, and gain back two, and lose one, and on and on it goes. My clothes all fit. Some of the seven pounds can possibly be explained by muscle. And I don't feel like I'm in Food Jail at all.

While not perfect, I'm not eating remotely the portions of food that I'd consume in the Before Times. I stay away from food that doesn't make me feel good (okay, I steal a french fry or two off Anthony's plate, but stop there). Food noise doesn't rule my day-to-day life. Of course, Zepbound has helped to make this consistency possible, but I'm doing the work too.

The consistency isn't just evident with food -- I've never in my life stayed so consistent with exercise. As a teenager, I was at dance twice a week, and I played soccer (though I wasn't particularly good at either). In spite of the fact that I didn't try to get out of running them, I dreaded laps in gym class or soccer practice. Even at a smaller size than I am now, I couldn't run one mile without stopping. In my 20s I'd have a few stints with walking or the gym, but they didn't last. Not entirely sure how the exercise bug found me this time -- possibly addiction transference? Formerly academic validation girlie needing those Strava trophies? Oh wait... all of the above, and this quote (from @devinphysique on Instagram):

Where does all of this thinking leave me? It leaves me imperfect, but no journey is perfect and that's a hard pill for me to swallow (former academic validation girlie strikes again). It leaves me never wanting to go back and consistency became the driving force to ensure that I don't. And... it leaves me in the middle. The middle can mean the glass is half-empty, but it can also mean that the glass is half-full. @nykbokuniewicz on Instagram sums it up:

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Based on my latest NSVs... I think I've become really good at living. Gauri remarked on a recent visit to Manhattan that I was able to jaywalk -- a feat that never would have been possible previously because I wouldn't have made it across the street before cars started moving.

I've also become really good at being consistent, at working out, at running... and at taking a few fries off Anthony's plate and that being enough. When I started this journey, I felt like weight loss needed to be my life. When I started exercising, I felt like fitness needed to be my life. But I've always been a person with many, many parts of my life. That isn't going to change. My life having other facets does not mean that health and fitness aren't a priority. Not losing weight for a few months doesn't erase the over 90 pounds that I've lost -- and kept off. The weight-loss glass is definitely half-full.

However... my life has never been fuller. Another one of my favorite Instagram folks, @leahhopehealth, talks about not wanting a smaller body, but a bigger life. Aside from the city trip, in 2026 I traveled to Albany for the State of the State Address and met Governor Hochul. I went to Disney and didn't need a seatbelt extender on the plane and fit on all of the rides. I've run in six races and have three coming up soon, and even placed third in my age group in one of the one-mile races I participated in. I visited Rhode Island for my college reunion and managed to travel there and back to New York in the same day. I spoke at two wellness fairs about my journey and sung in a show with a new theatre group. I've thrown myself into content creation when I didn't have the courage to before. That list doesn't even cover it all and... we're only in August! Recently my mom said that running has become part of my life -- and it is, just like performing and politics and community activities and fandoms are. No one thing is the only thing.

I've kept the weight off AND stayed consistent with exercise through ALL of that living, all of that work, all of those commitments, and even all of the plot twists of 2026... when a busy schedule and personal life events used to be my favorite excuses on both counts. And I may have been busy in the before times, but a busy life ruled by food noise coupled with dragging a morbidly obese body from location to location... using the busy schedule to cover up any sadness and to prove that I can "still do it all..." is not living.

Just over a year ago I wrote that I'm finally able to enjoy life. A year later, I'm finally able to not just enjoy life, but to truly live -- and stay consistent through the good and the bad.