Breaking Free from Food Jail: Why I've Never Made it This Far

In the "before times," I used to talk about a term I coined, "Food Jail." And Food Jail was the exact reason why I never had success in the past when trying to intentionally lose weight. I just didn't understand that Food Jail wasn't my fault. Food Jail was the effect. The cause was, you guessed, it, food noise.

What is Food Jail? Well, it's pretty simple. Food Jail was feeling as though I was being punished for something I didn't do. I was always highly responsible, an overall good citizen, family-oriented, a hard worker, a good student, a good wife, daughter, aunt, godmother, granddaughter, cousin, friend, community member. Why was the universe punishing me for taking away the joy of eating copious amounts of food? Why did I have to limit portions or make different food choices? The feeling of injustice, of restriction (whether of particular foods or of amount of food) was so very unfair. Like I was trapped in jail... Food Jail. I knew that in order to have any success getting healthier, I couldn't feel like I was in Food Jail. The second that the feeling of Food Jail crept in, it was doomed.

Now, I'm coming up on one year on a GLP-1. The one-year recap post, that's for later. But what I want to talk about here is a milestone that's different than number of pounds lost or the NSVs I've discussed ad nauseum (airplane seatbelts, being able to exercise, chairs with arms no longer setting off alarm bells in my head). This milestone is that the idea of Food Jail is gone, because food noise is gone.

The best thing that a GLP-1 has done for me wasn't shutting off my appetite. It wasn't making me feel full sooner. Yes, both of those elements are each life-changing. But the best thing that a GLP-1 did for me was shut off the food noise long enough for me to not feel like I'm in Food Jail. And even at almost a year on the medication, it's still shutting it off. And switching to Zepbound has even cranked the switch from mute to completely silent -- though Wegovy was still doing a good job of keeping food noise at bay. Even if I don't lose any more weight, I will consider this journey a success -- just because I don't experience mind-numbing food noise anymore. And as such, I don't feel like I'm in Food Jail... ever.

I always knew how to lose weight. I knew what I should and shouldn't eat. I knew how much food was too much. I grew so tired of the "everything in moderation" platitude because I didn't think anyone who actually said that and believed it could possibly know what it felt like to live in my body and have my brain. But, intellectually, I knew exactly what I was supposed to be doing. The problem was, I couldn't maintain what I was supposed to be doing for any significant length of time. I would crack after a few weeks or a few months, simply because food noise told me that I was in Food Jail. And I couldn't take it anymore.

I've previously mentioned the numerous attempts I've made to right the ship, to lose weight, to have normal blood work, to not feel like I was going to have a heart attack any time I went up a flight of stairs. I went on Weight Watchers for the first time at age 12, worked one-on-one with a nutritionist from ages 14 to 15, went back on Weight Watchers at 16, moved over to Jenny Craig at 17, lost weight unintentionally when I worked at Disney World at 22 and then continued with intentional weight loss once I moved back home, made a new year's resolution at 27 after I broke my leg, tried again at 31 right before the pandemic. The resume is endless. I lost weight every time -- but I never lost the amount that I wanted to lose or even keep it off, thanks to food noise and feeling as though I eventually ended up in Food Jail. I'd gain it back -- plus more -- every single time.

However, one line item on that resume stands out among the rest. My weight loss that occurred when I worked at Disney World was unintentional. I lost 20 pounds over four months solely because I was on my feet, in the Florida sun, for six hours a day -- some of those six hours spent dragging a cart of parade supplies. I changed nothing about my diet; in fact, it was more unhealthy than ever. There was no "moderation" as I alternated between fast food drive-thrus for dinner most nights after my shift at the Magic Kingdom ended -- sometimes around 11pm. When I wasn't eating fast food, I was eating Disney World food.

Thanks to my increased activity at work, and walking around the parks on my days off, I lost weight in a manner which felt completely unrestricted. There was no Food Jail in the Happiest Place on Earth. Don't be fooled -- I still experienced food noise. It just didn't matter because I was burning more calories than I could possibly eat. I don't know how my blood work looked, so I can't say that I was healthy -- but I can say that I lost enough weight that I dropped two sizes.

I have always known that "that time was different," and it was different because I lost weight without even trying to. Once I returned home and had to change eating habits in order to continue losing weight -- as I didn't have the time to spend six hours a day on my feet anymore -- it all fell apart the second I felt restricted. I was back in Food Jail. I knew that if I could replicate that unrestricted feeling, somehow, I could make it work again. But outside of spending six hours I didn't have in the gym every day, food noise wasn't going to let that happen. As long as I experienced food noise, I'd end up in Food Jail.

With a GLP-1 taking food noise away, I feel like I've finally cracked the code. In my previous attempts, my problem was never knowing what to eat or how much to eat or not eat. My problem was "sticking to the plan" long enough to have any discernible results. Recently, one of my favorite GLP-1 influencers, Merris Taylor (@glp1.weightloss on Instagram) posted a series of photos explaining that it's highly likely you'll have success on a GLP-1 if you've lost weight on any other plan in the past. I felt like she was speaking to me. I did lose weight in previous attempts. I just couldn't "stick to the plan" once I found myself in Food Jail.

It's been almost a year. I don't feel restricted because I'm not restricting. I make executive decisions to stay away from food that doesn't make my body feel good. "Everything in moderation" is possible now. I eat when I'm hungry, I feel full sooner, and I stop eating when I'm full. I don't think about food all day long. I don't experience food noise anymore. I'm not in Food Jail.

Recently, I ate McDonald's french fries for the first time since early 2024. I have stayed away from fast food, not for any restrictive reason but because I am afraid of nausea. But secretly, I was afraid that I'd eat the fries and I'd instantly crave them again and need to have more the next day. That the fries would be a reminder of what I was missing, and I'd be back in Food Jail all over again, feeling angry and restricted. Spoiler alert: the fries were delicious. But the Food Jail feeling did not return, and I have not returned to McDonald's since that night. It has not felt like emotional labor to stay away from more fries. I ate the fries in moderation. And I survived.

So, we're celebrating this milestone. It's not a chair that I can fit in now. It's not moving from size 5X to size 2X. It's not a number on the scale. It's not even normal blood work. It's breaking free from Food Jail long enough to make something happen.