So, you've lost some weight. Hurray! You are actively defeating the disease of obesity -- with the help of a GLP-1 medication, bariatric surgery, nutrition counseling, talk therapy, some combination of the above, or none of the above. If the weight loss is enhancing your quality of life and your self-esteem, congratulations. It's exciting, and you should be proud of yourself. Your larger weight loss goals finally look like they're within reach.
However, with all life changes come downsides. I know, poor Gracie, lost weight and now she's complaining about it... right? Well, not exactly. There are parts of your overall lifestyle changes that are new to you. Some of them are inconvenient. Others are anxiety-inducing. And I'm here to share about some changes that have come with losing close to 15 percent of my body weight.
Hair Loss
I've always been a hair shedder. I possess naturally long, thick hair, so it's not a surprise to find strands and clumps all over our apartment or in the shower. Hair shedding is also a hallmark of PCOS, so again, my hair loss is not a surprise. In the "before times," hair loss was also made worse by excess stress and sugar. But... at present, the hair shedding that has come with my weight loss is near impossible to keep up with (ask Anthony because he announces whenever he finds hair in unexpected places and practically follows me around with the vacuum). I am constantly plucking hair off my clothes. I can't wash and condition my hair without full-on clumps coming off in my hands. I find hair all over my sheets and pillows in the mornings. And don't even with the shower drain. I don't really see any bald spots on my head, so it is apparent that the hair is growing back, but cleaning up hair all the time has grown frustrating. And yes, I take biotin. I take iron supplements. I take zinc supplements. Nothing helps. When you're in a calorie deficit, your body suddenly thinks that it doesn't need hair. I picked a clump off my clothes in the middle of writing this post.
Coming Soon: Loose Skin
For the moment, I haven't lost enough weight to notice all that much loose skin. That's not to say I don't see the beginnings of it -- and it's an indicator of what is to come. I follow enough GLP-1 influencers who have lost tons and tons of weight to know that more loose skin is in my future. Additionally, my dad lost 110 lbs before I was born, and still has loose skin as a result. So far, I don't have beginnings of loose skin in every area of my body, but I have stretch marks that are definitely moving.
What Size Am I, Anyway
Clothes sizes are enough of a jungle to navigate without throwing a changing body into the middle of it. While navigation of said jungle is different for all people of all genders -- what I have experienced to this point is the phenomenon where my clothes from six months ago are too big, and my clothes from five years ago are too small. I'm not ready to part with the larger clothes, and I don't necessarily want to pay for smaller ones just yet. I want this time to be the LAST time I will lose weight intentionally -- and while I've lost a lot of weight, I have far more to still lose. But I have sizes in my closet that range all the way from 5X down to 1X. All of the 5Xs are too big. Most of the 1Xs are too small. A size 3X dress from Target is too big on me, while a size 3X dress from another retailer is too small. I am constantly pulling up pants, but I'm afraid to wear a smaller size. Sometimes dresses are too big in the bottom and are tight on top. And when I do order something new, I click on the 4X or 5X almost immediately before the voice in my head reminds me how "You don't need that size anymore..." I've talked about this phenomenon with my good friend, Josh Mankiewicz from Dateline NBC -- after losing 70 lbs, he required an entire new on-air wardrobe. But even he still reaches for the larger sizes when they are no longer needed. Which brings me to the next thing they don't tell you about weight loss...
Body Dysmorphia
I truly believe that I used to have "reverse body dysmorphia" in the "before times." That's not a clinical term, by the way -- I think it just fits what my mindset was. I used to think that I was not as large as the scale said. That I wasn't as unhealthy as my blood work indicated. Now, with weight loss, I look in the mirror and still see someone who weighs over 300 lbs. Who still needs dresses in size 5X. And I still (silently) panic on-sight when the chairs at the table in a restaurant have arms. When I see pictures from six months ago next to pictures that were taken yesterday, I do notice a difference. I see it mostly in my face. But I need that side-by-side comparison to really believe it. Someone from our Glen Cove community commented on a side-by-side comparison that I posted on Facebook, that "one chin [is] missing." Yes, that's cool, but I hate that I needed validation on social media to truly notice it. Every time I do pull up a pair of pants, I am amazed. Anthony constantly tells me that he notices how much weight I've lost. Again, external validation, but I'm glad he's there to remind me when I can't see it myself. Please know that if you're struggling with body dysmorphia, you are not alone. And you can always reach out to me to talk about it privately, no judgments or questions asked.
The Constant Topic of Conversation
For the most part, I'm lucky, because I love talking and sharing about my weight loss, what I've done to change my diet, how I'm incorporating moving my body, food noise, GLP-1 medications, and this blog -- in the hopes that I will inspire others who are dealing with food noise and the disease of obesity. But... every once in a while, I don't want to talk about weight loss. When a) you're losing weight publicly, on the internet, and b) people start to notice your weight loss, sometimes... well-meaning people say the wrong things. And it sucks. I am okay with people commenting on my weight loss, especially if the comment is health-positive. "You must feel so good!" is okay with me. However, "Hey, skinny!" is well-intended, but it is not fun -- I am not skinny and truly don't aspire to be. And while I am okay with this question, others may not be okay with, "So, how many pounds are we up to?!" I often post how much weight I've lost, so I've opened the door to that question, but others don't necessarily care to share that number and don't have to. Sometimes it depends on the person it comes from -- one of my best friends regularly asks me the question of how many pounds I've lost as of that day, and I know undoubtedly that he is excited to know the answer. That said, he used to be my emergency contact before I met my husband, and knows way too much about my life. The same question coming from someone I'm not emotionally intimate with might not hit the same way. How much or how little you care to share about your weight loss, as well as whom you choose to share or not share with, is your business -- no matter how noticeable your weight loss is.
In spite of all of the things that they don't tell you about weight loss, this experience has been one of the most rewarding of my entire life -- and I have no doubt that trajectory will continue. These frustrating aspects of weight loss are worth the reward and the quality of life that will only get better. It is a mental and physical adjustment, but I'm up for both.
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