It's Time to Really Root for Each Other

This post title clearly doesn't only relate to intentional weight loss or food noise. But I promise... it relates.

My best friend, Gauri, and I recently had a lengthy discussion about how our culture has become entirely self-possessed. Less importance is placed on being happy for other people in terms of traditional life milestones (marriage, children, buying a home, new job) OR in terms of less traditional personal milestones (finishing a race or getting healthy, for instance). To someone's face, they'll be "fake happy," and the worst part is... if you're super intuitive as we both are, you can tell the difference.

Gauri and I had this conversation immediately following both of us finishing a four-mile race. I ran the entire race without walking, and Gauri finished the race 38 hours after a 21-hour flight home from India. A HUGE accomplishment for both of us -- and we made sure to celebrate each other.

Some of the Internet would celebrate us too -- I'm not saying it wouldn't. But another corner of social media would come right to the comments section to remark on how my 52-minute finish "might as well be walking." Uh, hello -- my first-ever 5K time was over an hour and I now ran four miles in less than that time. They might come for Gauri and ask why she walked... I'm sorry, can YOU complete a four-mile race 38 hours after flying over a literal war zone? Unless you've literally run the NYC Marathon before, respectfully, shut up -- and the folks who have run the NYC Marathon wouldn't even be the ones storming the gates with their opinions because they were beginner runners once too. They weren't born ready to run 26.2. I have a friend in our Glen Cove community who is a local legend, because she runs seven marathons in seven days to raise money for veterans' charities -- and SHE has been nothing but supportive of my journey, even going as far as to give running tips when we see each other. If someone who runs seven marathons in seven days can support a beginner runner, so can you.

It appears to me that folks -- especially fat folks -- stay out of fitness spaces for fear they won't feel included or worse, will be ridiculed. I've been on a roll of joining every fitness class I can, and each time I walk in for the first time at a new place, I feel myself masking imposter syndrome. They're going to see the loose skin. They're going to think I'm not as fit as they are. They won't expect much from someone who used to be morbidly obese. They're going to make me feel like I don't belong. Or worse... I'm going to be labeled as "the inspiration." The no longer fat but definitely not skinny girl. My intrusive thoughts aren't born out of thin air. Especially when the same people criticizing fat people in fitness spaces are the exact same people who believe that obesity isn't a disease and losing weight merely requires, "eating less and moving more." Less shame. More cheering. Please.

Encouragement and showing up for the people you love is important, and it feels at times like we've lost sight of that as a society. I'm not indicating that you have to be disingenuous, but the worst types of reactions are the ones in which my excitement about an accomplishment is met with... "Meh," or worse, an unnecessary critique. I've received DMs on social media telling me that what I eat is "wrong," or that my workout clothes are wrong for my body. And I know I'm not the only one who experiences such critiques. If that's how you feel, I'm not asking you to tell me that my clothes look great if that's not what you believe. And if you're a bestie or you're close family, I WANT you to tell me the truth! But, unless you know me really, intimately well... just keep your opinion to yourself!

All of the above said, I never would be at the point that I'm at in my journey over the last 22 months without genuine love and encouragement. Not everyone is rooted in negativity. I wouldn't have signed up for my first race if it weren't for Gauri encouraging me and believing that I could finish it. I wouldn't be able to afford personal training sessions if it weren't for my parents' willingness to fund them on my behalf, or attend different workout classes if not for the generosity of gym owners in my community. I know I can always text the ever-busy Josh Mankiewicz with a body dysmorphia crisis because he knows exactly how it feels -- and in spite of his constant road life for Dateline, he always responds and understands. I never could confront the mental piece of this journey without my sessions with Colleen. And my bestie Chris will always tell me how great my outfits look with every photo I send him of an outfit I otherwise feel uncomfortable in (and tells me with the most honest kindness when it doesn't work) -- not to mention, we went to the gym together for years (where we rooted for each other).

I could go on about all of the support I've received from friends and family -- some of who are also on GLP-1 medications themselves. And for every one negative voice on social media, there are at least five positive voices. If you're on your own journey -- and this statement doesn't only apply to health journeys -- these are the types of people to surround yourself with.